Stereotypes Create Lives Lived in Boxes — by Christina Antonick

Today in the Respectful Relationships Program, we worked with Grade 8 youth to explore stereotypes and how they relate to violence. My co-facilitator Kevin and I do a role play and act out our two scenarios of two youth in conversation. The first scene is a young man going to his friend to tell him that a girl he likes came to him to ask him out and that he was confused and ‘weirded out’ because “why is a girl asking a guy out?” and “is she desperate or something?” for taking the initiative. In the other scenario, a 13 year-old young man admits to his friend that instead of trying out for the boys basketball team, he has started doing yoga and taking a dance class – the scenario develops into a conflict between the two when his friends decides to Facebook gossip about her discomfort with her friend as a guy doing yoga and dance rather than playing basketball.

The scenarios generate interesting discussion among Grade 8 youth who admit that stereotypes do affect their lives in multiple ways. They openly admit that if they hear racist, sexist or homophobic jokes, the majority of them will not speak up because they fear they will be ‘gossiped about’ for asking someone to stop. Honest conversations such as these leave me feeling a very clear need to continue to develop curriculum in the areas of systemic oppression, specifically as it relates to racism, homophobia and sexism. Youth are still so deeply influenced by media messages that are less than respectful.

Christina Antonick, Adult Facilitator, Respectful Relationships Program

Lets talk about Respect, Relationships and Sex

Dialogue Circles
February 14 or 16,
7-9pm
(Registration required)

A collaborative evening of dialogue for parents and youth of the Gulf Islands

These evening talking circles are an opportunity for open, honest and safe dialogue between youth and parents about the realities of healthy relationships, intimacy, and sex.  In our society although we hear about sexuality all the time in music, TV programs, and movies; we rarely have open, healthy discussions about the subject.

SWOVA’s Respectful Relationships program (R+R) has been delivered to students in School District #64 for 12 years.  We are now pleased to facilitate a community opportunity for intergenerational dialogue around self-esteem, boundaries, assertive communication, influence of the media, and healthy relationships with ourselves and others. We will be doing separate gender talking circles.  The event is trans and questioning positive.

Space is limited to 12 youth and 12 adults per workshop each evening.  Registration is required so sign up for either the 14 or 16 February workshops.

Call 250-537-1336 or e-mail info@swova.org

Workshops will take place on Salt Spring Island, B.C. CANADA

Thanks to our funders: Victoria Foundation & Salt Spring Island Foundation

Hockey Violence – By Kevin Vowles

I grew up with Hockey and loved the game. I played it and found great joy in the puck and the ball. I don’t remember there being a lot of fights back 20-30 years ago, but I suppose they did exist. They were certainly present by the time I was a teenager and watching games. I also grew up with a strong appreciation for the history of hockey. I met the likes of Jean Beliveau and Bobby Orr, growing up in Kingston, Ontario – a hockey town if ever there was one. The first game of hockey ever played was in the inner harbour in downtown Kingston. Hockey was all around me while I was growing up. It was on TV, in the corner store where they sold packets of cards at school where we played.

By the time I was in my mid-20s and heading off to Africa to do volunteer work, my interest in the game had waned significantly. Part of the reason I was letting go was the violence that I found pervasive. To compound this, when I was in my early 20s a scandal hit my home town of Kingston. The Queen’s University coach issued a haunting directive to his players, to “rape their women.” It shocked a city, and myself personally. Suddenly a gentleperson’s game resembled a warzone comparable with the most horrific in which rape was to be used as a weapon of war. Impressionable and fiery, I began to reject the game I had loved, declaring it to be too violent.  Sports can be a breeding ground for sexism, hyper masculine behaviour, and even in this case encourage predatory sexual behaviours perpetuating gender-based violence.

Within hockey, at varying levels, violence has grown extreme.  The Todd Bertuzzi hit of 2004 left Steve Moore unable to even play hockey anymore. Everywhere I looked (and still look) players make huge sums of money while people starve in this world. It has never seemed right, and while it could be justified by the notion that after hockey players need to be set for life, I somehow wasn’t buying this explanation, because we all have to work. The fights grew more prevalent and I grew increasingly disillusioned.  In lower level hockey and other sports, reports of violent hazings, often sanctioned by staff, have left many questioning the increasingly prevalent encroachment of violence into the games we love, and encourage our children to take up.

The violence on the ice has morphed into post game violence, particularly in playoff situations. Should we be surprised that the young men in the streets behave violently, especially under the influence of alcohol, when the men they look up to commit violent and brutal assaults on the ice? Should we be surprised when we see blood in the streets when there is blood on the ice? Should we really be surprised that hockey is violent when there is so much violence in the world? In a world occupied by superpowers with leaders who care nothing for the rule of international law, should we be surprised that one of the most cherished past times has also turned violent? When our own leader cares more for building prisons than investing in preventative social programs to stop violence before it happens and keep people out of prisons, no I don’t think we should be surprised.

We should however, as men and women whose future sons and daughters will grow up with the game on some possible level, advocate for something better, because if we are teaching kids that fists are the way you solve a conflict, we are going to continue to live in a world where this happens. It should also be done because hockey is a game that originally started out as a game that was played for fun, and for fitness. It has morphed into a competitive all-consuming game, where coaches play the better players to win. In some ways it has fallen into a state of violence and toughness that is all about making money and hyper-masculinity for some. For others in the media and corporations, it is about fighting, violence and creating a culture desensitized to the realities of violence. I guess my question that I’d like to throw out there this month, is this: Is it possible, given the concussions and ripple effects of on ice violence, to remove the violence from hockey?

By Kevin Vowles – R+R Adult Facilitator

Remembering Viola Davis Desmond

By Christina Antonick, R+R Adult Facilitator

When I work in the classroom with R+R, we talk about systemic racism, sexism and homophobia. When I ask youth, “Who was Rosa Parks?” there are often a handful of youth who can identify her as one of the mother’s of the civil rights movement in the US. When I ask, “Who was Viola Davis Desmond?” the class looks curiously at me for the answer. So my Blog today is in honour of Ms. Davis-Desmond- as she was an African-Nova Scotian whose story was one of the most publicized incidents of racial discrimination in Nova Scotian and Canadian history.

Viola went to New Glasgow in 1946 and developed car trouble and decided to go to the movies while repairs were being made. She bought a ticket, entered the theatre and took a seat on the main floor, unaware that tickets sold to African-Canadians in this town were for the balcony and the main floor was reserved solely for White patrons. Theatre staff demanded that she go to the balcony, but she refused, since she could see better from the main floor. The police were summoned immediately and she was dragged out, which injured her hip. She was charged and held overnight in jail and was not advised of her rights.

Desmond decided to fight the charges and racist seating policy. In taking the matter to the courts, Viola Desmond’s experience helped to galvanize public opinion locally and internationally, and to raise awareness about the reality of Canadian segregation. I grew up in Pictou County, Nova Scotia and carry a deep appreciation for the courage, dignity, and fortitude Ms. Desmond demonstrated in the face of systemic racism which in many ways, is still present in many Canadian systems today. Part of my job as an educator is to help Canadian youth remember the lives and names of those who worked to shift social attitudes and ideas. There is always so much more for each of us to learn, remember and pass on.

Gratitude – By Kevin Vowles

I’m feeling very grateful as of late.  I read this quote tonight by Anthony Robbins, and it summarizes how I’ve been feeling lately:

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears.”

However, it is not enough to simply feel grateful.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it,” said William Arthur Ward.

It was only a few months ago that I was living in a cabin on Denman Island, splitting wood, reading by candlelight, grateful that a winter had passed and I was no longer freezing due to lack of insulation.  I loved the experience immensely, living in such amazing and raw nature, relatively self-sufficient and happy.  Something was missing though and I tuned into this gap in my life.  I had gone to Denman to write and put together a portfolio to apply to UBC’s Creative Writing program.  I had completed this task, and yet knew that I wanted to work with youth again, and so I started searching.

I can vividly recall the day that I sat in the coffee shop, and found the job posting with SWOVA.  Lynda Laushway called me up and asked me if I would actually move to Salt Spring Island…I said of course!  Unencumbered and free to go, I took the opportunity with a great deal of humility and gratitude.  Shortly thereafter my partner bought a house, also sensing the need to move to Salt Spring Island.  I am so grateful to be living with a woman who has dedicated her life to ensuring children’s rights are upheld.  She travels a lot and I am blessed to be her rock on this rock.  I am grateful for electricity and the warmth that a house can provide, and I am grateful to have healthy food in my home.  Most importantly I am grateful for the love that can grow in a house where there is no violence of any kind.

I know that the staff at SWOVA all share the sentiment in that they are grateful for the opportunity to be involved in the journey to end violence in the world.  Gandhi once said that we must start with the children if we want peace.  And so it is that the staff at school district 64 have chosen to include us in the lives of the young people of Salt Spring Island.  It is an immense honour to work with young people and to hear their voices.  I am grateful to listen each and every day and I would like to take this opportunity to thank the students, staff at GISS, and in advance SIMS for their wonderful hospitality.  I have also heard a lot of gratitude about the wonderful funders who make the programs possible.

None of this would be possible without people who believe in ending the violence that has hurt so many and hindered the positive development of many. We would like to express our appreciation to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, the United Way of Greater, Victoria, B.C. Gaming, Saltspring Island Foundation, Victoria Foundation, Coast Capital Foundation, Telus Victoria Community Fund, SD#64, Mid-Island Co-op, Thrifty Foods, Country Grocer, and individual supporters.

Blessings to all.

Kevin Vowles - Adult Facilitator, Respectful Relationships Program

The Man Box – by Christina Antonick

These days there are a wealth of online resources that compliment and inform the work we do here in the Gulf Islands with the Respectful Relationships (R+R )Program. At each grade level we have the opportunity to work with youth as separate gender groups to discuss stereotypes, healthy relationships and what youth feel makes both men and women powerful. We articulate the development of critical thinking skills as it relates to gender, race and sexual orientation.

As a youth violence prevention educator, I love watching TED videos as a source of inspiration, knowing how many other incredible agencies, organizations and individuals have committed themselves to peace in our world through education and social justice work.  Tony Porter, with grace and deep heart, talks about the notion of a “Man Box” that has historically impacted masculinity as well as a culture that condones violence against women and girls. I appreciate the clarity and honesty he brings to the talk.  It’s a great video that we‘ll bring into the classroom in the coming months.  Give it a watch and pass it on!

http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html

By Christina Antonick, R+R Adult Facilitator

Discovery – by Kevin Vowles

This Saturday, November 19^th, I will be travelling to Vancouver, to celebrate International Men’s Day (http://www.international-mens-day.com/Canada.php), and train with the highly respected and dynamic creator of the day, and many other programs, David Hatfield (www.davidhatfield.ca). I am excited for many reasons about these opportunities, because it will give me the chance to become more articulate about my reasons for standing in solidarity with women, for peace and social justice, and to put an end to the terrible and on-going violence, which we see everywhere in the world. Whether it is young women beaten and left to die at the side of railway tracks just over on the B.C. mainland, or the ongoing degradation of our natural environments, the cycle of violence continues and must be stopped. By re-thinking our own conception of violence, true change can be fostered, and this is what I hope to do by further exploring with David Hatfield what it means to be a facilitator in a world where masculinity is both involved in the perpetration and alleviation of violence.

A Blog at it’s best poses questions which others feel compelled to answer to create a dialogue. While my job as a facilitator is to pose the most open ended questions possible, and many have struck me lately, I hope that others will come forward, particularly youth, to ask questions, because often it is the voices of youth which pose the most poignant and relevant questions.

SWOVA’s most fundamental mission is to end violence, and this is what drew me in to work as a facilitator with youth here on Salt Spring Island. One of the ways that the organization fulfills this mandate is to ask questions about whether norms, actions, words, images, entertainment, sports, economies and indeed society as a whole, are violent. Numerous questions have, one way or another, arrived on the proverbial doorstep of my consciousness:

•  Is logging our old growth forests violent?
•  Is the continual lack of criminal prosecution to protect unborn males from brutal and painful circumcision violent?
•  Is reckless/dangerous speeding and driving violent to oneself, passengers in the vehicle, and other motorists?
•  Are lack of shoulders and space for cyclists violent?
•  Is the continual consumption and acceptance of food produced with fossil fuel based pesticides, which by their very nature harm this earth, and create countless and as yet untold problems for future generations violent?

I believe it is by asking questions that real change happens in life. Speaking with ourselves, friends, family, colleagues and indeed the world, about what is actually going on has led us to this point of immense awakening that we are presently experiencing. Even as the Police attempt to physically destroy the Occupy Wall Street movement with weapons of violence, we know that ideas of peace and non-violence cannot be quelled, and will endure. Their time has come. The time has come for everyone’s voices to be heard and everyone’s questions to be considered. The question which lingers in my mind and gnaws at me the most is how could we have arrived at the place where the freedom to assemble, without fear of violence from those who are supposed to protect our democracy, has disappeared? The next question that logically follows and angers me so, is how could we have exported this brand of democracy so arrogantly in the last ten years.

 

By Kevin Vowles, R+R Adult Facilitator

Aboriginal R+R

Participants in the R+R Facilitator Training - October 2011

In October I had the great privilege of with working with Musqueam Nation to train almost 30 men and women to deliver the R+R Program to youth within their community. The first weekend was spent  assisting new facilitators gain a more comprehensive understanding of the overall curriculum values and core philosophy of the program as well as assisting teams in beginning their preparation for two youth weekends in beautiful Pemberton.

Both youth weekends were a wonderful opportunity for Musqueam youth and adults to gather as a community to talk about the impact of violence in their community as well as work together to come up with ways in which young people can find ways to stay safe, connect and foster a greater sense of what it means to have a healthy relationship with oneself, family members and as a larger community.

Christina Campbell, participant in the training

Christina Antonick with participants at the training

The Salt Spring Island Peaceful Culture

There are a whole lot of people trying to stop violence and create a culture of peace in the world. It is absolutely amazing and uplifting to see it, and now I am part of such a remarkable movement. I’ve just completed delivering ten days of Respectful Relationships coursework in the school.

I’ve co-facilitated the Grade 9 and 10 curriculum and am amazed by not only  the remarkable thought which went into developing such an innovative violence prevention curriculum, but am equally ‘starstruck’ by the thoughts from students.  Hearing about what their experiences have been like, walking in both the more peaceful world that is Salt Spring Island, but also treading carefully in other less peaceful places. To say it has been an eye opener would be an understatement. I have seen and experienced violence in my life journeys, but the youth of today face different forms of violence and challenges than my generation did and it is my firm belief that the R+R program is giving them the tools to not only survive, but thrive!

More and more, we understand that violence is a growing, not shrinking global pandemic, affecting everyone. And when we say that it affects everyone, we mean that the health of people is dramatically affected. Violence is a determinant of health – whether it is women being raped, young men being shot and killed, or more subtle forms of violence. Huge portions of the global population are starving because of the persistent focus of resources to perpetuate violence and the promotion of and advancement of corporations, instead of food security or health care.

In marginalized communities where violence is pervasive and widespread, we often see higher rates of alcohol consumption. Studies done by Urban Networks to Increase Thriving Youth (UNITY) through violence prevention, indicate not only is advertising for alcohol more common in low income communities, but there are far more liquor stores in lower income areas. As the study indicates, “Alcohol is involved in two-thirds of all homicides and is associated with rape and battering.” (Links between Violence and Health Equity www.preventioninstitute.org/unity). Admittedly the consumption of alcohol is one of many factors in the ongoing perpetuation of violence in communities around the world. It is however the number one date rape drug.  It is also a significant factor stopping many people from making real and meaningful change not only in their lives, but in the world. There are many other factors which cause violence and many other affects that violence can have on health. For our children, most importantly, a climate of violence hinders their learning and development. I am in awe of the climate of learning at Gulf Islands Secondary School on Salt Spring Island. It is remarkable and enhanced by the Respectful Relationships program.

Where people, young and old, are encouraged to adopt a peaceful existence, and given the tools to not only be peaceful in their lives, but resolve conflict and unravel the layers of violence, society as a whole can live up to its truest potential. I see that here on Salt Spring Island in my day to day existence. Yesterday in a parking lot there was a group of young people hanging around their car. I was with my Mom who was visiting the island. I could see that she was slightly nervous because they were in her way, and she didn’t want to ask them to move, perhaps afraid of violence. The young people saw us and immediately said hello and moved themselves out of the way so that she could get into the truck. I think little stories like this, while certainly not news-breaking, are inspiring, heart-warming, and indicative of the culture of peace and respect for fellow human beings that is present. Not because it’s a great act of nobility or sacrifice, but because in bigger places; in more violent places, there would be the potential for an assault, particularly if there had been alcohol involved. I know it because I’ve experienced violence over less. It warmed my heart, and I thought I would share the story. I’d love to hear your stories of peace.

 By Kevin Vowles – R+R Facilitator

The World Needs More Whistle Blowers (Edited)

There are many things which motivated me to jump aboard as a facilitator with SWOVA this month. I feel honoured to be joining a group of diverse and amazing individuals dedicated to the struggle for equality, and know that the Respectful Relationships program is a terrific avenue to channel my energies.

As a male, I am pleased to step forward and stand with females in the struggle to end violence and oppression which still exists around the world. There are so many issues which have prompted me to feel this way. As a brother, partner, and son of women, I am deeply affected by violence directed at women. It is wrong and must stop.

All of the people in the world are our brothers and sisters, and so an act of violence against one person, regardless of their gender, causes me to want to take action for a better and more peaceful tomorrow. To me, the most disturbing and widespread issue we are facing is that of human trafficking. While there are examples of young boys being trafficked for the purposes of sexual exploitation, young girls and women are the overwhelming and primary victims of this expanding and frightening phenomenon; a criminal enterprise second only to drug trafficking in profitability.

Although I have been in touch with this issue in the past, both through my writing, but also through work and travels in Africa and Asia, I again came face to face with the brutal reality of this issue and the roots of it, last weekend when I saw the film The Whistleblower. As with much exploitation, oppression and greed in the world, human trafficking stems from a callous desire to profit financially. The Whistleblower is a powerful, disturbing, real and apparently controversial film.

Critiqued by some as nauseating and overly complicated in terms of its politics, it’s been short changed by some reviewers as unable to make the mainstream because of these things. The Globe and Mail went so far as to say that the “storyline isn’t dramatically satisfying.”

The Whistleblower is a cinematic (and Canadian I might add) portrayal of human rights abuses of the worst variety. If the sexual enslavement of women is not dramatic I’m not sure what is. Is it because the story doesn’t have a happy ending that it’s not being heralded as a gem? The hero that Rachel Weiss plays certainly risked her life to expose the issue of trafficking and to attempt to rescue its victims.  So, if this film is not a winner because it exposes the issue and also honours the bravery of one woman, I’m not sure what is. The best storytelling does just that, it honours the hard work and courage of those who are true heroes.

The bottom line is that this film is real and that people in positions of power do take advantage of the powerless. Most often it is men who are exploiters and women who are exploited. That’s why we call it gender based violence. It’s not to say that violence against men by women doesn’t occur, because it does, but the overwhelming majority of violence is gender based. We’ve seen it in the sordid history of our own country, as religious actors set up residential schools to destroy culture and act out predatory sexual urges. We saw entrusted UN employees taking advantage of their power by exploiting those they were meant to protect, in Haiti, Sierra Leone, Cambodia, East Timor, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and of course Bosnia, as portrayed in the Whistleblower.

Despite the shocking brutality of male violence, I am more convinced than ever, largely inspired by the great work of organizations like SWOVA, and Paul Kivel, a violence prevention educator, that change is possible. People are capable of stepping out of roles and changing, and it is this optimism that I am filled with as I step further forward to work in the field of violence prevention education. The only way that dramatic change has ever occurred is by people having to squirm a little in their seats and seeing that for some people, a happy ending hasn’t and isn’t going to occur. Where does the inability, or perhaps simple refusal of some to see a film such as this for the gem that it is, stem from? Can we really be so blind to the need for justice? In a world where it is estimated that 2.5 million people are trafficked around the world, how can we make “being the change” more mainstream? Clearly, the world needs more whistleblowers.

Kevin Vowles – R+R Facilitator